btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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