Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
