Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
