We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I bet he comes in French.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
