i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
