Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
