I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
