why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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