You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
