What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
