The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
