I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I will be naked everywhere
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
