He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got inside last night via doggy door
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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