it hurts more in the daytime
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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