fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
