Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
