I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
