She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
