don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
