She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
