girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
