I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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