I just saw a hot homeless man
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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