Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
