Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
