I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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