WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
