Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
