Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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