I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
