why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
