puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
