Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
