a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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