I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
