chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
