im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
