he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
