fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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