Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you will always have a special place in my vag
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
