remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
