I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
