Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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