my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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