It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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