dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
