what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
