Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
