this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
