yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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