He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
