the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
