You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
